My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize