If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
