if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
