So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
