I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
tell me about the fingering
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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