"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
