It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
