i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize