omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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