u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
