afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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