oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
