Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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