I need help removing her.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
