What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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