Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
