I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize