wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
