The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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