i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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