My hand turned me down
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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