if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
