More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
