he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
