you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Randomize