Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
