Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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