Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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