Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
