Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
time to smoke my breakfast
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
