I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't turn off my feet"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize