So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
