Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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