Small penises have feelings too.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
