i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
