i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
