he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
