did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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