I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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