its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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