dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
