You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize