I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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