How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
