Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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