My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
