I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
