Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
North Korea, Best Korea!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
