I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
