Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
