Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize