and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
