the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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