I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
