ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
