He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
