I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
