Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
