I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
