I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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