Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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