His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
