you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
