a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
