Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
