need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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