i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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