I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
