Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
