i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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