that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
