I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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