I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
