found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
