I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
