I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
