Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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