Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize