Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
