whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize