RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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