Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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