I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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