Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
