p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The best revenge is premature balding
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
