i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
