i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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