The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
